The truth about corn

About a month or so I got a phone call out of the blue from a director. He said he got my headshot from a past theater I auditioned for. He needed to cast a girl in his play right away-"we only rehearse 2 nights a week and the show is a fundraisor so it will only be for 2 nights". Well I wasn't doing anything so I said what the heck. Even the words, "hillybilly", "HeeHaw", "fat suit", and "musical" for some reason didn't stop me. I was honored at the fact someone looked at my picture and wanted me to be in their show-I felt kind of big headed. Although the statement "we need a girl right away" should have been a clue as to what I was about to get into.

At first, it really wasn't that bad. The show called, Corn Fried, was only about an hour and 15 minutes long. But the script...well, if you have seen Hee Haw you know. Two people walk out on stage tell a joke and walk off. Then the next few people come on stage, tell a joke and leave. Then someone sings and then the jokes start all over. And the jokes went like this -"Hey Clary, do you smoke after sex?" " I don't know-I never looked". One of my favorites (or the only good one) was "Hey Buford, if a couple gets a divorce are they still cousins?" So no big deal. I get to dress up in a fat suit and wear a wig. Hopefully no one will recognize me. Although they insisted I kept my legs the way they were for humor-hilarious! I didn't have to sing but I did have to dance a jig. The whole process was crazy because (besides the obvious) there was no direction. If you are an actor, you know that you get one director and you listen to what he/she says and you try to do your best. Well this process consisted of 8 cooks in the kitchen. The "director" wanted this show to be a collaberation but when you have so many people in the show thats alot of words being thrown out at the same time. I kept quiet. I just moved when someone said move and told my jokes when someone said talk.

The personalities in the show was another story all together. The negativity from one of the cast was almost unbearable. I tried to be calm and listen to the lesson that I was supposed to learn. Maybe I have negative qualities about me. Maybe I sometimes over react to things. Maybe I need to not give my opinion so much. Those were my thoughts the first few rehearsals then I got over it and thought "no she is just a bitter sad lady and I'm not like her at all"! She drank before she came to rehearsal and if she didn't she was in a terrible mood. She complained about everything from the show, to parking to the sky being blue! Lesson I learned from this whole experience-its ok to say no to a show if someone asks you. I am good enough, I'm smart enough and doggonnit-people like me!

Rest in Peace Jeff

I don't know what to say. I have never had anyone close to me die before, never mind commit suicide. I can't understand it. Jeff was the one that picked everyone off the ground. You wanted to keep going for him or he would call you on your laziness. He went everywhere he wanted, he did everything he wanted-he believed life was for living. This is why this is the hardest news for me to bear...
Youngin, I never told you that was your nickname. I thought, you were always going to be too young for me. This didn't stop me from falling in love with you. You walked on the correct side of the road to protect me, you opened my car door, you picked up my sister from the hospital, you danced with me, you told me not to quit,you dreamed of a better life....why would you leave it?
I'm sorry that you couldn't tell anyone your pain inside. I'm sorry for ever having doubts about your good intentions. I wish you were here for me to tell you that.

My career

I filmed a San Diego County Credit Union commercial yesterday. It was awesome. It was way up north in the avocado groves in Crest. Kind of near the fires but there was no sign of them where I was. This was the biggest set I've been on w/a trailer for hair/make up, the production company, and food. Yes there was a trailer especially for food-and medical supplies, and water, and tampons and... you name it! For breakfast they asked 'what do you want?' and I said "what do you have?" and they said "anything you want"! Anything? Come on!!!! For lunch it was a choice of Tallapia fish, spaghetti and meatballs or fried chicken w/a salad bar. It was insane. Oh and the commercial went well too! I really enjoyed the director. He never became stressed and gave us generous direction without making the actor feel stifled. The man that played my husband was an exact replica of Ed Burns. Even his voice was the same. I'm sure he was annoyed by me telling him how much he looked like him. There was a still photographer on set. I was told if they use our photos for the brochure it would also go onto a billboard. I doubt our commercial will go up-but its a nice thought. The day was very cold. I had to wear shorts so that was my only complaint. Otherwise all of the crew/make up/wardrobe folks were all really great. I think I can definitely get the hang of this!

cryBabYCry

The photo shoot yesterday was so hard. We had to sit around a coffin in a cemetery and get our picture taken while we cry. The little 12-year old started balling right when he said go. The other 2 were crying as well...accept cristyn....my eyes just watered. No tears. Dammit- they had to pull out the Visene. How embarrassing! Then finally it was just me and the little girl and the photog said "ok Cristyn give it all you got" So I started pounding on the coffin screaming bloody murder and balling my little eyes out! Screaming "What am I supposed to do?" Balling balling balling. Jesus I didn't know if I was going to stop. Then the little girl turned to me afterwards, after all the tears were dried, and said 'wow you have some anger issues'!!!! Ya think?? That was the hardest photo shoot I ever had to do. Its hard to be vulnerable but it helped me realize what was missing in my acting. These shots are really going to be on billboards around town as part of the Gun Violence Public Service Announcement.

A plethora of fun

Hiyo Silver! I don't know why I have that theme music in my head. Maybe because things are moving full speed until I get on the plane to visit me mum. I had an interview last week with the project manager of the San Diego Film Festival. They are looking for an assistant project coordinator to volunteer their time. That's me. It was a fun relaxed interview and I didn't have to lie about why I wanted the job. I want to get on the 'inside' of course! Well they called and I am hired-woo hoo!
Yesterday I did a promotional video for Glorietta Bay Inn Hotel. Its one of those cheesy look how great our hotel is videos. But so fun! I mean how many people do you know get to play the pool and the ocean for a couple of hours and get paid?! I can sooo do that job full time!
Tonight is the PSA for gun violence. I play a mother/wife that just lost her husband. I will be crying at his funeral. I may be making this up but I think they said something about putting the advertisement on bus stops? Maybe I dreamed that who knows!
The next thing I mentioned a while ago was the webisode. Thats finally happening this Sunday. Its just a small walk on part with a big punch. Kissing a girl. You heard me! Interesting. Well you want to play with the big boys you got to do what the big boys do!!

Oh and oh my gosh I almost forgot-the musical of course! The 48 hour festival kept me very busy this weekend. Joined the crew on Friday night and it was full speed ahead from then on. We did a 7 minute musical: http://www.luckynumbersamusical.com/ "Lucky Numbers: A Musical". So much dang fun. If I didn't have to run off I'd tell you all about it but- there it is.

Thats the name of the game.

I wish I could remember all of the weird things happened in the last 24 hours but it was a blur. Although there was this rather large women in the McDonalds sink washing her hair for a good 15 minutes. Weird.
Got in the car last night headed towards Tehachapi to see the niece and her baby girl. That town is 4 hours away. Luckily I had my partner in crime w/me in the passenger seat. Candice and I headed out of town and made it in exactly 4 hours. I had an audition the next morning in LA. Figuring the traffic would be horrendous in LA we decided to leave about 3 1/2 hours early this morning. (Ok I know I over think things but YOU NEVER KNOW about the traffic). The audition was for a super hero/action figure for a video game-a SuperMom if you will. The crazy thing about actors or the process we as actors go thru, its very superstitious. I KNOW if I don't talk about an audition before or after, or I walk into an audition with something more important to do afterwards- I KNOW I will get the part. But if you sit around talking about, wondering if they'll call back-chances are ya ain't got the part. So after the audition we waited around a couple hours to see if I got the call back for 5:00pm today. After 4 thrift stores, one dress, and 2 scarves later, we decided to throw in the towel (quote from Cindy Brady). Its ok. I had so much fun. I got to dress up like a SuperMom for heavens sake. How cool is that? AND I love my new dress. Another dress for the cruise-yikes I spend like a cow!

Just do it

You know I am so adamant about the saying 'if you really wanted something you would have it'. I say it to everyone. For example 'if she really wanted to move she would', 'if he really wanted that promotion he would have it'. Its so true. We have the capability to have whatever we want-if we REALLY want it. I was thinking about that this morning as I drove to work. The same must apply to me. It would be hypocritical if it didn't. If you really want to be an actress Cristyn, then you would be. Then I got to thinking. Is this something I really want? I have been going through all of the motions, submitting headhots daily, sending out mailings to agents & casting directors, taking classes in LA-what else do I have to do? You have to want it really really bad. Not half ass. Maybe I've just been scared of something that I say I want. If I really wanted to be an actress, I would be. So what's the prob bob?
When I was little I would play outside all summer long. From morning till night. Until one day my mom called me in early. "Come on Cris, its time to take a bath." For what? "you have school starting tomorrow and you have to get ready" SCHOOL? Oh my the anxiety. Why didn't you tell me sooner? Why do I have to go? I'm scared. My stomach hurts. What if everyone laughs at me? "This is why I didn't tell you sooner. You don't like change. It makes you very nervous". So it goes. Thats the truth my mom convinced me of. "I don't like change". Not doing any blaming here. It is true- I would freak out. I guess if the words were "Don't worry- change is fun and exciting" -then today I wouldn't be hiding behind my computer writing about it but on a soundstage acting it out.
I am sincerly scared to make the change. I am scared to leave San Diego and give acting a try. And I am scared if I don't, my life will pass me by and I'll look back with regrets of "why didn't I just try?" Good Golly Miss Molly, what is it I am so afraid of?