You know I am so adamant about the saying 'if you really wanted something you would have it'. I say it to everyone. For example 'if she really wanted to move she would', 'if he really wanted that promotion he would have it'. Its so true. We have the capability to have whatever we want-if we REALLY want it. I was thinking about that this morning as I drove to work. The same must apply to me. It would be hypocritical if it didn't. If you really want to be an actress Cristyn, then you would be. Then I got to thinking. Is this something I really want? I have been going through all of the motions, submitting headhots daily, sending out mailings to agents & casting directors, taking classes in LA-what else do I have to do? You have to want it really really bad. Not half ass. Maybe I've just been scared of something that I say I want. If I really wanted to be an actress, I would be. So what's the prob bob?
When I was little I would play outside all summer long. From morning till night. Until one day my mom called me in early. "Come on Cris, its time to take a bath." For what? "you have school starting tomorrow and you have to get ready" SCHOOL? Oh my the anxiety. Why didn't you tell me sooner? Why do I have to go? I'm scared. My stomach hurts. What if everyone laughs at me? "This is why I didn't tell you sooner. You don't like change. It makes you very nervous". So it goes. Thats the truth my mom convinced me of. "I don't like change". Not doing any blaming here. It is true- I would freak out. I guess if the words were "Don't worry- change is fun and exciting" -then today I wouldn't be hiding behind my computer writing about it but on a soundstage acting it out.
I am sincerly scared to make the change. I am scared to leave San Diego and give acting a try. And I am scared if I don't, my life will pass me by and I'll look back with regrets of "why didn't I just try?" Good Golly Miss Molly, what is it I am so afraid of?
When I was little I would play outside all summer long. From morning till night. Until one day my mom called me in early. "Come on Cris, its time to take a bath." For what? "you have school starting tomorrow and you have to get ready" SCHOOL? Oh my the anxiety. Why didn't you tell me sooner? Why do I have to go? I'm scared. My stomach hurts. What if everyone laughs at me? "This is why I didn't tell you sooner. You don't like change. It makes you very nervous". So it goes. Thats the truth my mom convinced me of. "I don't like change". Not doing any blaming here. It is true- I would freak out. I guess if the words were "Don't worry- change is fun and exciting" -then today I wouldn't be hiding behind my computer writing about it but on a soundstage acting it out.
I am sincerly scared to make the change. I am scared to leave San Diego and give acting a try. And I am scared if I don't, my life will pass me by and I'll look back with regrets of "why didn't I just try?" Good Golly Miss Molly, what is it I am so afraid of?
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